The most precious thing you can give a man is something that no other man has had the privelage to experience.

-Anima

Say what? I’m sure this is the response from a good portion of women. In today’s societal climate, sexual liberation seems to be all the rave. But what do you really achieve from sleeping with a bunch of different people?

Ok, so I won’t go to deep into that topic. That’s a debatable blog for another day. For myself, however, I do not see how the “benefits” outweigh the drawbacks.

I mean, but we have to get into it a little bit right? Yeah, let’s just dip our toes in, maybe wade in the shallow end of this topic. Starting with the benefits vs the drawbacks.

Benefits to sexual liberation

1. Experience – so you get to experience the pleasures of a bunch of different men. Their style, stamina, physique, attributes, and basically their overall performance. And part of that experience is simply the pleasure of feeling good.
2. Better performance – Along with all these experiences you may bag some performance pieces for yourself. Pick up a few tricks of the trade so to speak.
3. Nostalgia – These experiences will be with you for LIFE! So you will always have the ability to look back and think about Timmy that made your toes curl, your eyes rolls, and made you vocalize sounds you didn’t you were even capable of expelling from your vocal cords.

Drawbacks to sexual liberation

1. Acceptance – Not every man is accepting of this lifestyle. So when a woman is ready to settle down and marry, her choice of men decreases. By how much, I can’t say. But women have to accept not all men want a woman that has had so much freedom with her body, and that has to be accepted. Just the same as a woman has preferences; a man is allowed to as well. Regardless of how WE (women) fell about what that preference is.
2. Experience – Yes. This point goes under both a benefit and a drawback. Again, this goes to the preference of when a woman is ready to settle down. Options once again decrease. There are men that do like an experienced woman, but some men do not. Why? This is only a speculation on my behalf from hearing what a few men have to say, but some men want to feel the pride in being the first one a woman has certain experiences with. If a woman is already experienced in so many things, what’s left to show her? What’s left of them experiencing something new together? Also, some men don’t want to think about what another man has taught his new significant other/wife. Now, again, I know many women will be against this sentiment, but to be fair it is a preference on the mans behalf and he is entitled to that preference. Just because it doesn’t matter to YOU, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t matter to HIM either.
3. Energy transfer – So this point is debatable, and I do NOT purport this to be fact nor based in empirical evidence. This is mostly from theory and some articles that I have read. But, we can all agree that we are energetic beings, correct? So, if this is the case when we are in each other’s spaces, we can feel each others energy, and theoretically exchange it. Which is why some, if not most people “catch” feelings.
4. Nostalgia – Another point that I am using for both a benefit and drawback. Just as I mentioned before having many experiences does allow the freedom to run into one, or many, men that can make your toes curl. But what if the emotional and mental capacities don’t align. Then let’s say you do meet the love of your life, and he can’t do what the previous man/men did. Those thoughts never leave. Comparisons will happen, resentment, maybe even dwelling on “what should have been.”
5. Body Count – I saved this one for last, because I know this can be a hot topic. There are people that say body count shouldn’t matter, and there are those that say body count should. What’s important is the fact that all of us must respect everyone else’s choice. Again, this ties into options becoming limited because this aspect does matter to some men. I didn’t say all, but it does matter to some.

So, again. This is only my perspective. Is it a perspective I’m saying all women must have. Absolutely not. I am only speaking about my experience and how “sexual liberation” made it difficult for me.

Confession time

So, during some time before my husband, I did believe in sexual expression, freedom, liberation, or whatever new snazzy name is common place nowadays.

But I need to give a back story. I went into college as a virgin and felt utterly and completely out of place. My roommates, suitemates, classmates, practically everyone I ran into was raving about sex. Even the professors. I didn’t understand it. I had the fairy tale thought that I would meet a headstrong, driven, educated classmate and we would fall madly in love during a study session in the library. Oh, the delusional thought of it now makes me giggle. Now don’t get me wrong, these things can happen, but I was never taught that it takes time. Patience is a virtue. Every male student that sought after me was only looking for one thing, and one thing only. I was utterly devastated. I wanted love, and I was only being shown lust.

Moving forward, and to make a long story short, I settled. I was so defeated and in lost hopes that I would ever find someone who would cherish my virginity and allow me to wait until marriage, that I gave in. And of course, with settling, came heartbreak. So my dream to be with one man for the rest of my life failed, and with that failure came heartbreak. I thought to myself, if you can’t beat em join em. I would listen in on my roommates trash talking men, and how you need to “use them to get what you want”. They would giggle and snicker about their sexual escapades with multiple different young men. It was quite off putting, but at the same time intriguing.

My mind was a whirlwind of thoughts. Should I continue to walk down this path? Or should I just realized I made a small mistake and even though I didn’t get the man that I wanted, be hopeful that it was still a possibility? I spent most of my college years and even after in cognitive dissonance of these two opposing thoughts.

It wasn’t until I met my husband that I realized that patience is a virtue. He was the first man to show me patience and never asked me to sleep with him. He was kind, intelligent, hardworking, and most importantly interested in who I was, and not what I could give him. He showed concern about my health, my wellbeing, and an actual interest in my opinions. But he also wasn’t hesitant to challenge me, push me to excel; he didn’t lie to me to spare my feelings, he showed constructive criticism to show me the truth. It was refreshing.

Even though he has never, even until this day, asked me my “body count”, he did make it explicitly clear that things like that mattered to him. He, as I did, wanted love. He didn’t want to be with multiple women or wanted the woman he was with to had been with multiple men. He wanted all the experiences with his wife to be fresh, new, and exploration between just them. But alas, he had his own past so he was also understanding that we both met at a time where neither one of us were inexperienced.

I was heartbroken that I couldn’t give him that. For all that he has given me and done for me, it is the one thing that I wish I could have given him.

So, with that confession, I once again state, I wish I was a virgin when I met my husband. I don’t believe that everyone should have the same sentiments as I do. I know not everyone has the same experiences either. But I do challenge others to keep an open mind for others and their opinions. Virginity is not the sacred and beautiful gift that it used to be, but it doesn’t mean that it can never be that again.

Peace and Blessings, Always Anima