“He’s just intimidated by my independence.”

Women are more independent these days. We have our own money, car, house, business, degree, and so much more. What need is there for a man? At this point a woman only seems to need a man to open a jar and lay some pipes; pun intended.

It wasn’t always like this. Women used to be much more dependent on men, mainly for finances, shelter, and food. Even if a woman had an opinion and wanted to voice their thoughts, it would have to be by proxy of their husband. We weren’t allowed to voice our opinions in certain settings. So when did all this change?

The Feminist Movement and It’s Role

The statistics of who considers themselves a feminist is not so cut and dried. The term feminist is quite a broad term, it is not a box that every self proclaimed feminist fits in neatly. There are women that agree with a little, some, or most of the rhetoric, but there are few women that agree with all of the rhetoric.

“First-wave feminism was oriented around the station of middle- or upper-class white women and involved suffrage and political equality, education, right to property, organizational leadership, and marital freedoms. Second-wave feminism attempted to further combat social and cultural inequalities. Although the first wave of feminism involved mainly middle class white women, the second wave brought in women of different social classes, women of color, and women from other developing nations that were seeking solidarity. Third-wave feminism continued to address the financial, social, and cultural inequalities of women in business and in their home lives, and included renewed campaigning for greater influence of women in politics and media. In reaction to political activism, feminists have also had to maintain focus on women’s reproductive rights, such as the right to abortion. Fourth-wave feminism examines the interlocking systems of power that contribute to the social stratification of traditionally marginalized groups, as well as the world around them.”

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feminist_movement#Heterosexual_relationships

The feminist movement, and the natural progression and shift of women, has definitely changed the narrative and the scales. Is it totally equal and balanced, of course not. But then again, is it supposed to be? Should a woman have the ability do everything a man can do? Does a man have the ability do everything a woman can do? Obviously not. But that’s another discussion for another time.

Now that the poles have shifted and more women have achieved self sufficiency, have women considered what men think about the shift? Do women even care? The feminist movement hasn’t just effected the placement and power of women. It has effected the placement and power of men, and it has effected the thoughts of both men and women.

Women don’t think the same. Feminism gave us freedom, and freedom can be an empowering thing, but power can be intense, potent, irresistible, addicting and even overwhelming. With power comes great responsibility and that responsibility can be misused if the person does not know how to properly navigate that power.

The power that used to be in the hands of a man, shifted into the hands of a woman. Not all the power, and not all women of course, but the power shift was forced and not an agreed on shift. Now, I am not in the mindset that all the power, money, and decision making skills should have stayed in the hands of men, but the feminist movement seemed to be a shift that forced men to share or give up these things.

So of course this has also affected the mindsets of some men. Not because it was something that was given up to a woman, but because it was not an agreed upon rhetoric, and a more forced upon shift. And I am not stating that ALL men felt it was forced or are in disagreement of feminism, but there are some.

Do women care, should it matter?

Speaking from a personal perspective as a woman, I care, and it does matter. A power shift does not equal balance. A power shift is exactly what it says, power is shifted from one person to another. It is still an unbalanced and an uneven playing field.

Aren’t we (woman) looking for equality? Is that what feminism aims for? To be truly equal, my thought is, I’d like a man to respect and value my opinion just as much as I respect and value his. Power should be shared, decisions should be shared, financial gain and spendage should be shared. The only differences between men and women should be our physical differences. More importantly the choice of this balance should be accepted and given on a case by case basis.

Not all women want to be financially, powerfully, or politically equal to their counterparts, and vice-versa. Not all men want a woman to be on an even playing field as them. Is this wrong? No. Pushing one groups narrative on everyone is not the answer. Each individual has the right to their own opinions and thoughts on the topic. Would you want a narrative that you didn’t agree with pushed on you?

Feminism has only shifted the narrative, not brought about balance and equality. So, the effects are not a balance of thoughts and actions between the sexes. Other aspects of life have been negatively effected by feminism, like relationships, friendships, and even family.

The independence of the woman

So here we are. Feminism, along with television programs, social media, and movies have pushed the power shift. More women have more power. We can vote, we hold high political positions of office, many women work in male dominated workplaces, our numbers have increased in achieving higher levels of education, home ownership, business ownership, and so much more.

Obviously it is not totally equal across the board, and there are several reasons why.

• Men still make higher wages overall – more men still have higher number of workers in higher earning jobs, and still average holding higher positions. There is also still a group of women who choose to be SAHM’s (stay at home moms). There are stay at home dads as well, but the number of SAHM’s greatly outweigh the latter.
• There are more men that hold higher political positions of power – this is something that will just take time. Not as many women are pushing for these positions, and to be honest they are not being elected for these positions.
• There are more privately owned business owned by men than there are owned by women – This number is also skewed by the fact that there just aren’t as many women that are seeking to own their own businesses.

But for the most part, there are many women who have obtained the independence that the feminist movement pushed for. And with this independence comes power, and with this power comes great responsibility. One can’t have one without the other. You can’t accept the power, and leave the responsibility.

Women now have the power to vote, to own, to build, to buy, to choose, to voice their opinions, to be free with their bodies, to marry, to divorce, to stay single, to bear children or not. Women have the power to do just about everything a man can do.

There are men who appreciate and enjoy the women who have this power, but do not enjoy nor appreciate the women who have become drunken with this power, abuse this power, or have the power, but still want to be treated as if they did not have the power.

The strong woman vs The strong woman

With great power comes great responsibility. There are also different types of power. Power that is loud, power that is seen, and power that is proud. There is also power that is quiet, power that is hidden, and power that is humble. The power you chose, dictates the responsibility you must be accountable for.

I always like to use the analogy of the house. Mansion, house, estate, apartment building, hotel, grocery store, you name it; any and all structures of a building sit on a foundation. The building has its purpose and power, the foundation has its purpose and power. The building is outwardly seen, usually aesthetically pleasing and up-kept. People go in and out of the building and it is in constant use. The foundation, is hardly ever seen. It is usually hidden underneath the building, mounds of dirt or cement. It serves but one purpose, to uphold the building. The foundation provides stability. Without the foundation the building is nothing, but without the building … the foundation is still solid.

In a relationship. Someone has to be the building and someone has to be the foundation. NOT ALL relationships, but generally speaking this seems to be the ideal situation. The typical A type, assertive, and extroverted with a more passive, introverted, follower. Now, I don’t know when a follower became a negative thing, but it’s NOT. I come from a family that served in the military, were nurses, and people in the medical field and one things for sure, those who follow usually have MORE power.

Think of it this way. In the military you have Officers and NCOs (noncommissioned officers). All Officers outrank all NCOs. The Officers are the “leaders” and the NCOs follow the orders of the Officers to get the work done. BUT, it is the work that GETS SHIT DONE. Essentially I learned, as an Officer, technically my NCO’s could make it without me, but I could not make it without my NCOs. The same analogy goes for so many other professions, Drs. and their nurses, CEOs and their staff, POTUS and his/her staff. Being on top only has the appearance of power and being in charge, but good leaders know they are nothing without their followers.

Should a woman always be the follower. NO! A man can be a follower, but if a man wants to be the leader of his household, than a woman should think about that BEFORE she decides to be with him. If there are men that are ok with a woman following, or even the less common double leader roles, then so be it.

There is strength in femininity, reservation, intuition, and to be seen and not heard. When did this become so taboo? Again, let me be chandelier crystal clear, so there isn’t a misconception. I am not saying every woman should be this way. What I am saying, is there is a good amount of GOOD men that value a woman that has strength in being a follower.

This does NOT mean a woman who is barefoot and pregnant, cooking and cleaning, and serving her overly abrasive husband.

The best way I can explain it is like this. I learned the hard way. I used to think I was the “strong independent educated woman, who didn’t need a man and only wanted a man for companionship.” It wasn’t until I met my husband that I realized, that the way men think, act, move, react, is starkly different from women. There were a lot of things that I needed his guidance on. As there was a lot of things that he needed my guidance on.

My marriage helped me realize, my true power came from how my actions and thoughts, complimented my husbands. Men, good quality men, in reality, make moves based on two things. Getting a woman, and after that, keeping that woman. Providing for her, protecting her, and pleasing her, and after she bears his children, those instincts only increase. I began to notice how my husband made moves based on what I wanted. I truly had the power, I didn’t need to make more money than him or have more education than him. I only needed to give him one thing … respect and peace of mind.

That’s all most men want. Respect is the most powerful thing a woman can give. No, not obedience, not cowardice, not blind submission. Simple respect. Respect his decision making skills, respect his loyalty, respect his actions, respect his peace. With these simple actions women would realize just how much power they hold in the palm of their hands. A man would lasso the moon and bring it to you if he could. Knowing this, using this, and being humble about it. That is strength, that is power.

Most women have lost this type of respect, so most men have lost the instinct and drive to provide, protect, and please. To be quite frank, women have moved more in the direction of being more like men, and most heterosexual men, don’t want to be with a woman who is acting like a man.

What need is there for a man, if a woman is roaring out loud about how she provides, protects, and pleases herself?

Can a woman who is the CEO of a fortune 500, has multiple degrees, makes well over six figures, and is single with no children be powerful? Sure, absolutely! I am not saying that she’s not. What I am saying is her power lies in a different realm of power. Her power is compared to that of a man’s power. Not all men find that sexy. Not all men seek this type of woman.

A powerful woman can be a turn off as much as she can be a turn on.

I’ve had the conversation with a few high earning, highly educated, independent women, who were also actively dating and seeking a long term relationship. When I asked them why they thought it wasn’t working out for them, the majority response was “Men are intimidated by my power, my education, my money, my influence, or my independence.” Is that what they told you?

When I’ve asked men why they don’t seek out more women that make more than them, have more education than them, or want to keep their independence within a relationship; the response is usually either, “She’s disrespectful, she acts like a man, or she’s good for a short term relationship.” Some men can go for the powerful woman temporarily, but if she’s overbearing and wanting to lead in every other aspect of the relationship, some men will grow tiresome.

Here’s where the subtle nuance should happen. It’s ok if a woman has all these things, but, why not also keep your power in your femininity, respect, being humble, active listening, and providing peace? It is possible to do both. Who you are in your place of business, does not have to be who you are with your man.

It’s pertinent that I make this point; it’s not that most men don’t want their wives to work, nor do most men care if their wife has a higher paying job, better education, or financial stability. Below are the statistics of the preferences of men and the employment status of their spouse

“Men’s views are very similar to women’s in many instances, the report showed. Twenty-eight per cent of men would like women in their families to have paid jobs, 29 per cent would like them to only stay at home, and 38 per cent would prefer they be able to do both.”

https://www.ilo.org/resource/news/most-women-prefer-be-working-and-majority-men-agree-ilo-gallup-report-shows#:~:text=Men’s%20views%20are%20very%20similar,be%20able%20to%20do%20both.

The point I’d like to make is men are not intimidated by the status, they are turned off by the attitude.

As an Officer in the Army, I had to raise my voice, be stern, punish, and show my power in a way that my husband would be totally turned off with. So I had to learn to hang up my hat when I got home. Eventually as time went on, and I realized the power I had at home was more powerful that “being in charge” or climbing a hierarchy ladder in the Army, I chose to be a stay at home mom. My influence on my husband and children was much more profound and pleasing than on Soldiers in my unit.

A woman has three options. Be the foundation. Be the house. Be the foundation that tells the house what to look like. Or I guess there is the fourth option to be the foundation and the house and just do it all alone. Hey, if that’s your cup of tea, than so be it. But if you’re looking for a particular type of man. A man who values leading, protecting, providing, and pleasing; then be the foundation. You’ll be pleasantly surprised how much you are in control of everything, and it’s you that is the center of the entire operation.

Peace and blessings. Always Anima