So, I know this isn’t a fresh topic, but I wanted to take some time to let everything stew.

There were so many differing opinions and such a divide amongst people, it was quite overwhelming. And my goodness it was quite a tumultuous subject; unfortunately, it may have even been triggering for some. Even I found it to cause some emotional discomfort. Many times, we find it hard to believe that someone can “think that way” But we must remember to keep an open mind because not all of us have the same training, knowledge, schooling, backgrounds, or experiences.

So, I figured I’d wait for the stew to settle before adding my own ingredients and stirring the pot.

Since this can be a sensitive subject, I give caution to those reading this.

I don’t want my declamation to be misleading, so I hope those reading this, read it in its entirety and with an open mind.

As a woman, I will always choose the Man.

Now for those who have been living under a rock, here is an article from USA Today about the man vs bear debate. No shade to those that do live under a rock, I quite like that space myself.

Before I get into why I will always choose the man over the bear, I do want to recognize the choice of others. I don’t want to minimize the experiences of anyone, nor diminish the sentiment of why other women chose the bear. It is important to recognize AND understand an opposing point of view. Because in the end, neither choice is wrong, it’s just an opinion.

From the few videos, posts, blogs, and articles I’ve come across, it appears that the main rhetoric of why most women chose a bear over a man are attributed to a few things

1. Experiences
2. Believability
3. Unknown Intentions

Of course this is not an exhaustive list, but these seemed to be the most prominent points. So how I’m going to approach this topic is to first point out the common themed reasons why women chose the bear, then insert my own assertion and reason for why I would choose the man. Fair enough?

Experiences

Statistically speaking, most women have experienced some sort of unwanted gesture from a man, whether it be sexual in nature or not. Even women who may not have received this type of unwanted attention, know other women who have experienced it. So, the current social narrative is that most men, at the very least, are creepy.

So, with this being the most common social narrative, it’s not unbelievable how most women think. Especially with this being a shared experience of similar situations.

Moreover, relating this to why the bear over a man is because men are creepy, the average man is stronger than the average woman; therefore, if the average man is creepy, and can easily overpower a woman, the situation can easily escalate from creepy to sinister. Fair enough.

But this still does not override the fact that just because experience show us that a FEW men are creepy, doesn’t mean we should view nor treat ALL men as creepy. Women certainly don’t like it when the tables are turned.

For example, women can be creepy! Yes, they can. You can argue me up and down, but there are women that can be just as creepy as men. Are there as many creepy women as there are men, maybe not. Can a creepy woman overpower a man if something more sinister is a foot? Doubtfully, but it does not negate the fact that there are men that have had to deal with creepy women and uncomfortable situations.

Now, obviously these two situations are not comparable as far as safety reasons, I’m not arguing that point. The point I’m making is MOST men have been confronted with a woman that have put them in a precarious situation, and even though a man may not have been physically threatened because he MAY have the ability to overpower the woman physically, it does not negate the fact that this woman overstepped her boundaries and forced him to make a difficult choice. So then should he view ALL women this way? Let’s put this in an example.

***TRIGGER WARNING. SA STORY***

John and Jane work together. They have an amicable working relationship. There have been no past awkward or uncomfortable situations. One day John and Jane are alone in the filing room. Jane walks up behind John, wraps her arms around his waist and begins to grope his genitalia. She whispers in his ear how she has been longing to be with him and she knows he feels the same way. John is stunned, offended, and feels violated. He knows he can easily overpower her, but does not want to physically harm her, so politely asks her to remove her hands from his body. She giggles and tells him not to be coy with her. He begins to become angry and asks her more firmly to stop, that he is not enjoying this at all. So, she removes her hands but gives him a playful smack on the behind before walking away.

Now, reverse the roles of the situation. Put Jane in John’s position and John in Jane’s. How does this change things? Objectively speaking, (and I’m not speaking on anyone’s behalf or how they would or should feel) I would assume they would both equally feel shocked, angry, violated, and even have some fear. The reasons why may differ, but the feelings are no more or less felt than the other.

Just because a man MAY have the ability to overpower a woman and stop her from violating him in that situation does not make the man’s feelings less validated. And because we have this rhetoric, most men don’t report these situations, because not only is there the sentiment of  “what could she have done to you, you’re stronger than her.” But the sad sentiment of “You’re a dude, you should’ve enjoyed it.”

Of course I have to point out, the fear of physical danger that the situation puts her in is, from a physical standpoint, more pressing. I don’t negate that.

My whole point is the experience from that situation, undoubtedly elicits harm, fear, trauma, and a myriad of other emotional responses, from both ends. So if we have this biased recognized fear of men from these experiences, shouldn’t men be able to have the same?

I’ll speak from experience. I have personally experienced an unwanted advance of sexual misconduct from a man. It was extremely scary, violating, and traumatic. Of course for a while I had post traumatic experiences and triggers when faced with similar situations. I had to have counseling and therapy treatment to recognize and realize these triggers to squelch the fact that ALL men’s intentions were not the intentions of this one man.

I’m not saying women need to just go get treatment, get better, and stop being scared. Please, please don’t take my sentiment in that context, what I am saying is don’t automatically fault all men to have those intentions. There is a difference of being cautious and careful, vs immediately thinking a man is going to harm you.

Believability

The #Me Too movement busted open the doors of the treatment of women in a plethora of settings. Unfortunately, it was also a double-edged sword. It garnered so much attention so quickly, and so many women came forth to speak their own truths, that it became overwhelming. And with so many women coming forward to speak their truths, it is only human nature for a few to be fabricated. Especially if there is financial gain involved.

It’s not uncommon once the fabricated stories are brought to light, then everyone’s story is questioned. Who’s telling the truth and who’s not? Believability is now put on the line. All from just a small percentage of lies.

But who would lie about a being attacked by a bear? I get it.

This point, I can admit that my retort isn’t up to par. Some women are questioned when they report certain incidents of assault or harm. That’s just it.

But on the flip side of this coin, how often are men questioned when they report that a woman has assaulted or harmed them? Not only that, how many of them may have had to deal with being made fun of, or the situation taken lightly because “guys should enjoy it.”

This is not to downplay the occurrence when it happens to a woman, but just as we want to be heard and seen, a man does too. When a man’s experience is minimized, I wouldn’t imagine they would rather run into an incident with a wild animal over just being seen and heard for the situation as it occurred at hand.

Are there really women who would rather possibly be mauled by a bear just for the believability factor? Have they thought about the dire consequences or the shape they may be left in if the mauling didn’t take their lives? Yes, this is a hypothetical, and both instances can be incredibly and insanely devastating, traumatic, and physically damaging. But to rather have an encounter with a wild animal over a man because the statistical outcome of being believed is higher, seems a bit radical. Only my opinion.

Unknown Intentions

A bear is only doing a handful of things in its natural setting. Eating, sleeping, protecting its young, or searching for a place to eat or sleep. There’s really nothing else in between. So walking up on a bear, is fairly straight forward. For the most part, animals are more weary or afraid of us than we are of them. A bear will most likely only be aggressive if you are encroaching on its territory or when they are protecting their young.

When running into a strange man in any setting, knowing what their intentions are is not so cut and dried. A woman doesn’t know this man from a can of paint. So, there is no real way of knowing his intentions.

The unknown is obviously more frightening than the known. What makes the unknown of a man’s intentions seem so sinister. Theoretically speaking, for the most part, an average man walking alone in a forest doesn’t automatically equal bad intentions. I mean, the sentiment should be the same for the woman. She can walk alone in the woods but the man can’t?

Again, this comes down to physical dominance. Another and probably a more important factor does come into play in this scenario, and that’s the factor of statistics. Statistics are varied widely between men and women when it comes to aggression, physical violence, stalking, injury, domestic abuse, harassment, sexual abuse, rape, and so much more. Age, race, socioeconomic status, and even location plays a big factor in all variables. Nonetheless, overall, women have higher percentages than men. Point blank period.

For a general sense of statistical differences here is a good source that breaks down the different types of scenarios.

Ok, agreed. So, we should just assume all men will commit some type of heinous act, right? Or at least are capable of it? But wait, women commit these heinous acts as well, shouldn’t we all be equally afraid of random strange women too, or at the very least know they they (we) are capable of it.

Let’s use a simpler example, women’s auto insurance tends to be higher than a man’s auto insurance due to the fact, women are much more likely to be in automobile accidents. So, it’s safe for me to rather get in a car with a bear than a woman, because we’re much more likely to cause an accident.

Even rightfully so in my own situation. I have been in, my fault or not, five automobile accidents in my lifetime. My husband one. Now let’s take it even further. The automobile accident he was in was not his fault, and he was a backseat passenger. Mine, I was at fault 4 out of the 5 times.

Now, would it be fair for my husband to tell me “I’d rather a bear drive than my wife because her driving is subpar.” According to our other hypothetical it is. I literally increase the chances of putting my husband’s life at risk, when I am at the wheel! And I have no problem taking accountability of that, but I would be offended if he genuinely would rather drive with someone else, let alone an animal, because of the likelihood.

On top of that, making a blanket statement that he’d rather a bear drive over any woman period. Because with that statement, there are many women out there, that have an absolute clean driving record. So why does the few have to affect the many?

Is that making sense? No doubt, all women, all people, should be careful walking alone in any area. And, yes, statistically speaking, women do have to be a bit wearier of strange men and must gain situational awareness and be a bit more careful, but that does not equate to all men are likely to commit such acts. Nonetheless a woman being more comfortable with a random bear.

But Hey, you can choose the bear.

Overall, this is just the opinion of one woman. I’m sure I’m the unpopular opinion here. From a mother and wife’s standpoint, my main thought process comes from thinking about my sons and my husband. It was a chilling thought to visually think that a woman would see one of my children, or my husband and immediately be overcome with so much fear of an unknown possibility, that they would need to back slowly away in fear. Versus seeing a bear and having a lesser emotional reaction. I always viewed my boys and my husband as protectors. But, everyone has that right to choose however, and whatever situation they would rather run into.

I’m always choosing the Man

Peace and Blessings. Always Anima